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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187577">The Way I Feel About You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumauream/pseuds/argentumauream'>argentumauream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other, Post-Episode: s03e01-02 Juno Steel and the Man in Glass, so this is my take, we were ROBBED of the rest of the conversation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:41:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumauream/pseuds/argentumauream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yes, come in, come in.”</p>
<p>Nureyev had launched himself into a sitting position the moment he heard the knock on the door, and was now trying desperately not to look like he had just been curled up on the bed, still half dressed in Monsieur Dauphin’s regalia, waiting- no, wishing- no, preparing for the eventuality that this knock would probably come. Well, he supposed he couldn’t do much about his state of dress, but he could at least school his expression into something neutral instead of the one of anxiety- no, hope- no, anticipation that had slipped onto his face the moment he heard it. </p>
<p>Juno Steel opened the door.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Way I Feel About You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listen, I absolutely adore Nureyev's monologue at the end of MIG, but c'mon. We wanna know if they smooch. (Spoiler alert, they do :0)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Yes, come in, come in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev had launched himself into a sitting position the moment he heard the knock on the door, and was now trying desperately not to look like he had just been curled up on the bed, still half dressed in Monsieur Dauphin’s regalia, waiting- no, wishing- no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>preparing</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the eventuality that this knock would probably come. Well, he supposed he couldn’t do much about his state of dress, but he could at least school his expression into something neutral instead of the one of anxiety- no, hope- no, anticipation that had slipped onto his face the moment he heard it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno Steel opened the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unlike Nureyev he had apparently found time and energy to change into normal clothes, he was wearing plaid pajama pants that were slightly too long and pooled around his ankles, and a cropped sleep shirt that showed off a strip of soft stomach. He looked so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>domestic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and the thought nearly stole the breath right out of Nureyev’s chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They looked at each other for what was probably only a fraction of a second but felt like an eternity. Juno looked hesitant, almost scared of him, or scared of what he might say, and Nureyev’s heart ached.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he spoke it sounded so awkward it was almost funny. “Hey there… Ransom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev’s stomach twisted. “Oh just close the door and drop that silly moniker. I regret choosing it already.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, Peter then-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And not that either.” He couldn’t contain the distaste in his voice, but he regretted it a little at the look on Juno’s face. “Everyone who’s ever called me Peter has wanted to be my parent, even if I’ve only let a few fit the role.” He let himself soften just slightly “So, please, just call me what you used to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno looked around nervously. “But… your name…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I've already torn the room apart looking for recording devices, and there are none. Just close the door, if you would.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno let the door slide shut and stepped fully into the room. He still looked awkward, unsure of what to do with himself. Nureyev imagined he must look the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… Nureyev.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His heart lurched in his chest. Nureyev hadn’t realized until this exact moment just how much he had missed hearing his name out of Juno’s mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been thinking we should probably. Um. Talk. About us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He swallowed the lump in his throat. “So have I.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to, but- wait, what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was cute how obviously flustered he was, Nureyev couldn’t help thinking. “I think we should talk too, but if you keep standing there while we do it you’re going to make me terribly nervous. Please, sit.” He scooted over to one side of the bed, giving Juno plenty of room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno hesitated for a moment longer before he crossed the room. “Cool. Thanks Nureyev.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left a respectable distance between them, though not the entire length of the bed, which- Nureyev cut himself off before he really started overanalyzing how far away from him Juno chose to sit. He still couldn’t help noticing that Juno had relaxed slightly, the line of his shoulders less rigid. Then he turned to face Nureyev and started to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen. I just… wanted to say I’m sorry. The last time we saw each other, that night… I messed up. I don’t know if that hurt, or how much it hurt, but that doesn’t matter- I shouldn’t have just walked out. And I don’t know if you care about why I did it, or if you already know, or if you want me to leave you alone, or…” He paused. His eye flicked up from where he’d been staring at his lap as though to gauge Nureyev’s reaction, but dropped again just as quickly. “I don’t know if you can ever forgive me,” he continued, quieter. “That’s up to you. Just know that I’m sorry, and I- I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked Nureyev in the eye then, stumbling slightly over his words but speaking with no less conviction for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev felt frozen in place. It was clearly his turn to speak but he didn’t have the first thing to say. A million thoughts played through his head, leaving him paralyzed long enough for Juno to start to look a little concerned. And maybe that was what pulled him back to reality long enough for the swirling in his mind to solidify, into something he realized he felt in his very bones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There is nothing I want more than to stay.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I forgive you.” Nureyev finally said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay- what?” Juno asked at the same time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev took a breath and met Juno’s eye. “I forgive you. Of course, I forgive you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno blinked at him for a moment, then ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, a small smile playing on his lips. “Oh. Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since Juno had boarded the ship Nureyev had been sure to smother any errant desires that tried to make themselves known when he was around. But the sight of him, bashful and smiling softly, open and vulnerable, struck Nureyev with an urge to reach over and kiss him senseless that was so strong he nearly couldn’t resist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thankfully Juno distracted him when frowned suddenly and said, “You’re not just saying that to make it less awkward that we have to live on a ship together are you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev was so caught off guard by the question that it startled a laugh out of him. The corner of Juno’s mouth quirked upward in a slightly confused, but nonetheless pleased expression. As his laughter died down Nureyev felt his own face melting in to a much fonder smile than he probably should allow, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No Juno, I really do forgive you. Though I think it will serve as an added bonus that we can actually work together effectively.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno chuckled a little too. “I don’t think we did </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Towards the end, I suppose not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They lapsed into silence, for a moment just smiling at each other. Nureyev took in Juno’s face, maybe it was just his expression but he seemed gentler somehow. The Juno Steel he had met in Hyperion City, all comprised of sharp angles and harsh lines, had softened into the lady he saw before him now. The difference was slightly staggering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev realized how long he’d been looking at him and quickly dropped his gaze, clearing his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve certainly changed a lot since we last met.” He said after a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess I have.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev chanced a glance at him to find him frowning slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For the better, I think.” Nureyev offered gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Juno nodded absently, then he looked back at Nureyev. “Not everything has changed though, you know that right? Not the way I… feel. About- things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev blinked at him, bemused. “Such as…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno looked down at his lap, huffed a deep breath, before speaking so quietly Nureyev almost couldn’t hear him. “Such as… the way I feel about you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev’s heart stuttered, and all he could think to say was, “Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno’s gaze flicked back up to him. Nureyev wasn’t sure what kind of expression was on his face, but whatever it was made Juno suddenly groan and put his head in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I probably shouldn’t have said that, forget I said that, I’m just trying this new thing called ‘communication’ and ‘being open about my feelings’ or whatever,” he added air quotes, derision permeating his voice. “But I don’t want you to think this means you owe me anything cos of how things were before, not that I think you’d think that, just- I should probably go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait!” As Juno made to stand, Nureyev’s hand shot out practically of its own accord to grab hold of his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno looked startled but he didn’t flinch away, just slowly settled back to the bed. Nureyev couldn’t help the way his hand lingered slightly longer than was strictly necessary on Juno’s arm before he pulled away, and he made a point to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>notice how much closer together they had shifted on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>notice Juno’s eye flick to his mouth when he bit his lip. He tried not to think too hard about it just yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Juno I- I know I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>owe </span>
  </em>
  <span>you anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno let out a small breath and nodded. “Um, good. That’s good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev steeled himself for what he wanted to say next, giving himself a moment to decide against it. But instead, he found himself thinking; </span>
  <em>
    <span>to hell with it, why not go all in?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He realized he thought that a lot when it came to Juno.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you may be making some false assumptions regarding my feelings, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nureyev-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The way I feel about </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>hasn’t changed either, Juno.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno worried his lip between his teeth, not meeting his eyes. “Even after… what I did?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev sighed. “I certainly wasn’t happy with you. I will admit, for a while I tried to hate you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno’s hand was clenched into the fabric of his pajama pants, and he still wouldn’t look at him. Nureyev gently placed his hand over Juno’s. The reaction was immediate, his shoulders relaxed and he slowly looked up to meet his eyes. Nureyev was once again struck by the vulnerability there, he felt as though he was being given something very precious and very fragile. As often was the case when he was with Juno, he felt himself wanting to give something back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tried </span>
  </em>
  <span>to hate you.” He said gently. “I could never quite manage it. I was angry, certainly. Hurt, more so.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nureyev, I am so so sorry-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I forgave you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno closed his mouth, though it appeared to be with no small effort. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At the end of the day, I know you didn’t leave because of me, so-” Nureyev paused, realizing that wasn’t quite true. There had been days, when he’d been feeling particularly morose and alone, when he’d entertained the idea that just maybe it’d been his fault, somehow. That he had done something to drive Juno off. Suddenly, as ridiculous as he knew it was, he couldn’t help replaying those thoughts in his mind. “You… </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>leave because of me, did you Juno?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The moment it was out of his mouth he realized how ridiculous it sounded, but before he could take it back Juno’s eye had gone wide, and he grabbed Nureyev’s hand in both of his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>Nureyev of course I didn’t! I left because I was scared, and an idiot, and I wasn’t ready to leave Hyperion city but I was too fucking emotionally constipated to say anything about it, and-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Juno-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I knew you would get tired of me eventually, and realize you deserve someone better, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that when it happened and-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev could only think of one way to shut Juno up, and as the conversation had gone on he could think of less and less reason not to use it. So he surged forward and pressed his lips to Juno’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was over as quickly as it had begun, but Nureyev still felt like electricity was tingling through his veins as he sat back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno, for his part, looked rather dazed. “Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Juno, if I’ve forgiven you, and neither of our feelings have changed, then- may I please keep kissing you?” Nureyev tried not to sound too desperate, then decided that maybe that didn’t matter so much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If it mattered to Juno he didn’t show it, because the next thing Nureyev knew he was being pulled in by his shirt collar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno’s lips were slightly chapped, but soft, and softer still was the way he kissed him. One of his hands came up to cradle Nureyev’s face, and Nureyev took the other and tangled their fingers together. Juno’s palm was warm against his. Nureyev gave a soft sigh against his lips, feeling himself relax in a way that he hadn’t in months. It felt as though Juno had slotted in next to him like a puzzle piece, like he was meant to be there. Nureyev thought absently, between the soft press of lips that was currently occupying most of his mind and senses, that it felt like coming home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Juno broke the kiss with a breathless laugh. “I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev cocked his head slightly, smile playing on his lips. Juno’s hand didn’t shift from where his thumb was stroking over Nureyev’s cheek. “You’ve only been aboard the Carte Blanche less than two weeks Juno.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nureyev tangled his fingers in Juno’s hair and pulled him back in. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I was a little unsure of how to tackle the part where this fic diverges from canon, because obviously Nureyev has his whole monologue before he gets to "there is nothing I want more than to stay", and I didn't want to just include that word for word obviously but I also didn't want to just rephrase it or summarize it, so instead I'm just working under the assumption that everyone remembers it and I don't have to go into specifics as to what's going on in Nureyev's head before he forgives Juno. Hope that's alright with everyone LMAO and I hope you enjoyed the fic!</p>
<p>Comments make my entire life, the longer and more specific the better! (but short vague ones are fine too no pressure)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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